Dear Gaia:

I want to go to what you shared in your post before last:

“It’s strange, because on the outside you wouldn’t say I am on the extreme part of emotional spectrum. People would say I’m the stoic one”-

– an online definition of stoic= a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining”.

I am now connecting the Magnifying Glass Principle and Behavior (I am developing what follows for myself and sharing it with you. I am sharing it with you in case it helps your understanding as well):

Your mother’s feelings were magnified in her brain and she acted out that magnification in melodramatic (a word you used to describe her behavior) ways. Online definition of melodramatic: exaggerated, sensationalized or overemotional. Words synonymous with melodramatic: overdramatic, overdone, histrionic.

Online Merriam Webster dictionary on dramatic: “Dramatic applies to situations in life .. that stir the imagination and emotions deeply“; “Histrionics applies to tone, gestures and motion and suggests a deliberate affectation or staginess”.

Wikipedia on Histrionic Personality disorder (HPD): “HPD lies in the dramatic cluster of personality disorders. People with HPD.. make loud and inappropriate appearances, exaggerate their behaviors and emotions.. express strong emotions with an impressionistic style.. Individuals with HPD often fail to see their own personal situation realistically, instead dramatize and exaggerate their difficulties… (Characteristics:) Relationships are considered more intimate than they really are…Influenced easily by others or circumstances… Exaggerated emotions; theatrical”.

(“impressionistic style”, above= “strong opinions are expressed with dramatic flair, but underlying reasons are usually vague and diffuse, without supporting facts and details”)

So your mother, like mine, had her feeling magnified in her brain and then she proceeded to act out that magnification in dramatic ways that “stir the imagination and emotions deeply”, the imagination and emotion of the audience, the audience being me as a child, and you as a child.

Our imagination and emotions having been stirred deeply, have become magnified.

But you didn’t act out that magnification with your own dramatic/ histrionic behavior. You chose the  opposite of dramatic, which is stoic.

Similarly, I also chose stoic behavior. I didn’t want to be like my mother.

But the magnification of emotions and imagination remains regardless of not acting dramatically/ histrionically. So we need to choose and practice moderation in how we experience our imagination and emotions (emotional regulation)-

-and we need to choose and practice moderation in how we express our imagination and emotions, choosing the middle way between behaving stoically (zero% expression of emotions) and behaving dramatically/ histrionically (150%/ exaggerated expression of emotions), so to express ourselves honestly and responsibly.

anita