Dear Anita,

1. Your father and his mother: she mistreated him when he was a child, no doubt. As a result he felt angry at her, but also guilty for feeling anger at his own mother. This emotional dynamic of anger & guilt is still his experience decades later as it was when he was a child. He is stuck in the same emotional experience of his childhood.     Im really amazed at how you found out about this . Yes my grandma used harsh punishments for my dad when he was a kid, but that was the norm in the 60s and 70`s Greece. But she loved him to pieces!

And generally, this is something that pretty much all of greek kids experienced growing up, myself included. My dad has apologized for it a million times, but still if there is a fight going on or he feels insulted he would “threaten” us with physical violence. Which he of course doesnt mean it , he jusy has a big mouth. Like stop talking like that or Ill slap you in the face and you`ll see stars kind of thing. Again typical for a Greek father.

Im happy to report I had my 2nd therapy session.- it went great! She asks such questions that lead to other parts Ive never knew about myself. She asked which are the good or bad events in my life that I think lead me to how I am today and such. She asked to describe the members of my family with 3 adjectives (or more) etc… I even lifted of my chest an incident of molestation from an uncle I experienced as a kid, which no one knows. I felt liberated!!!! 😀 😀 (YAYYYY) She assigned for our next appointment next Saturday to write about how I view myself. It can be as big or as small as I want. I feel progress is being made. Totally different thatn my ex therapist.

I have some feelings of despair and not-being-enough or being a failure or comparing myself here and there but I m managing to cope and reason with myself on my own. Like my sister says, help should always be used and asked for, but I also have to teach myself how to handle things on my own. I took Friday, Saturday and Sunday to relax and do nothing. Saturday after therapy I went out with my sister for brunch and shopping, but the rest of the weekend we just laid on the couch, feeding our souls with comfort food and movies. It was a much welcomed break as Im always strict with my diet and going to the gym.

I`m also thinking about starting a new thread here , up-keeping with my updates!