Dear Zeeza:

“my grandma used harsh punishments for my dad when he was a kid, but that was the norm in the 60s and 70s. But she loved him to pieces”-

– she “loved him to pieces”, wish she didn’t break him to pieces.

– “the norm in the 60s and 70s”- normalizing abuse never changed how harmful abuse is, not a single child hurt any less because an act of abuse was norm. Example: your father.

– when your grandmother loved your father to pieces and then broke him to pieces, it hurt him more, because he needed her love so much and knew a bit about how it felt, and then he was beaten by the person he loved more than anything and anyone in his life. If a stranger beat him, it would hurt. When his mother beat him, it hurt more.

“if there is a fight going on or he feels insulted he would ‘threaten’ us with physical violence”- but he doesn’t carry on the threat, does he? Often (adult) children try to do better than their parents, having made the decision long ago: when I grow up, I will not beat my children!

I am glad to rad that your second therapy session went great, that she asked you good questions, and she assigned you homework- excellent!!!

Good thing you took three days off from work and relaxed. Looking forward to your next post, here or in a new thread that you mentioned starting.

anita