Dear anita,

many thanks for your response.

it seems there is a lot to think about and some important decisions to make.

i actually went ahead and had a chance to discuss this with him today as he finally had a heave to sit down after a week.

his responses as follows. Please let me know what you think of them?

“Welp… I don’t know what to say. I’m not upset you went looking for help, or even that you put it online since it was anonymous, but I do feel unhappy. I see how you tried to defend my purpose and how you voiced yours with equal respect since you are looking for help. The fact is that I do love my brother, and he does need me more than you do. Maybe they’re right. I don’t know. I have to think on this.”

“I’m upset actually. I have been open and communicative with you from the start. It hasn’t gone anywhere. Our communication skills haven’t suffered it’s the ability to actually talk that has. I feel like I explained that pretty well when I said that it’s not us, or our relationship that needs help, but it’s my brother. That I am putting us on hold while I help him out. Sure I’m stressed, and sure I’m angry sometimes now, but it honestly has nothing to do with us, it’s between my brother and I and what’s going on here. I’m not going to go out of the way to complain to you about the issues I have when I can barely talk to you in the first place. That’s why we had to take a break, so I could focus on him and this without having to worry about what you’re doing. So I can put my attention where it is needed, not where it is wanted on my part”

”I feel like you missed what I intended and took it way too personally. I understand you’re feelings are hurt because I had to put my end of the love rope down, in this little tug of war, but I did it because I had to put both hands here on my brothers rope to keep my brother from drowning, because he was being carried into the ocean. It’s like I put you down on the ground for a second to save someone from falling off of a building and you got upset about it. It actually makes me pretty upset.”

“I love you. I do, but you’re taking this whole thing way too personally. Maybe I didn’t explain it properly, but now I feel pretty alienated by this whole thing. Like, my brother needs my help, so I’m helping him. Every time I get a minute to really sit down you’re upset about it, and tbh, it upsets me more.”

“I get it, I do. You want to be together, so do I. However, it’s not in the cards on my part, and it sounds like the idea of us taking a break is way too unfair in your eyes here, and that is stressing me out equal to or even more than before.The only thing I can think of now to even out the stressors is a more permanent solution. I didn’t want to consider it, but now I have to for the sake of my own sanity.”

Thoughts?

regards

MonaD