Dear T23:

I apologize, I forgot to return to you after your Feb 8 post. I am glad you added a post today because I realized that I forgot and can reply to you now.

Feb 8 you wrote that you tried to talk to your now estranged wife a few times, and “at every opportunity she has knocked me back and blamed me for everything”. You wrote that you would have done some things differently with her if you could turn time back, but you were not unfaithful or abusive to her.

Five days later, today, paraphrased by me, you shared regarding your wife accusation of you sexually assaulting her that a week before that accusation, you made a sexual move  on her while she was drunk and asleep. She did not respond to that move, so you stopped. The next day you told her about what happened and she told you that “she didn’t want me to do that anymore”, you agreed. Next you made a move on her when she was not drunk and not asleep. Her response was that you shouldn’t have because you agreed to not make sexual moves on her. You told her that you thought that she wanted you to not make such a move on her when she is drunk and asleep, not when she is sober and awake. You then apologized for misunderstanding her.

Yesterday you told her that you are looking for a new place for yourself to live, according to her wishes to live separately from you, but that you are still interested in reconciliation, being  open to “any chance in the future she wants to try again. I will be there”.

Her response: “she replied that she wouldn’t”.

My input today: once you realize a person is unconscious for any reason, you shouldn’t make a sexual move on that person, unless you get the permission of that person to wake her up gently that way in the future, maybe in a weekend morning or such, and then proceed only if she responds positively. Otherwise,  you are doing all that you can do to accommodate her and that she is not interested in reconciliation, not now and not in the future.

Reads to me that you should find a place to live and that you arrange with her (and possibly involve an attorney or mediator) so to co-parent your living child well. Ask an attorney or a mediator about what’s best to do for your child who needs any parent living with the child to be emotionally healthy enough to do a good job parenting the child.

anita