Dear Lisa:

I know that you know how to articulate, and I was always okay with your typing. But you have apologized dozen of times for your typing, maybe even more often. As if it is an offense to mistype. Even if you mistype or misspell here and there, it is not an offense. It is not a wrongdoing that requires an apology.

“I do not have hallucinations”- I didn’t suggest that you have hallucinations. I suggested that you may suffer from a pscyzotypical personality disorder which in its definition according to the DSM-5, includes suffering from cognitive distortions, not hallucinations.

Almost everyone expresses cognitive distortions, but your cognitive distortions- the four core beliefs I stated, (and I do correct #1 to include women being creeps, not only men), are so pervasive and relentless that they have led you to a lifetime so far (you recently entered your sixth decade) of suffering a whole lot and never having any kind of a relationship with a man, something that you desired since you were a young girl.

“I am not imagining bullying”- bullying exists of course, so does the worst kind of bullying, aka child abuse. And you did suffer bullying as a child and from time to time this or that person is rude to you. But not as often as you imagine it to be.

For example, just the other day, “someone bought something that upset me as a vegetarian. They made a big deal to tell me that it was they were buying”- this may not at all be a bullying act. Someone said they were buying a burger, let’s say, and you figure that person was bullying you. You wrote about that woman or another woman that she “yet again commented on something she knew would upset me”- you think that people want to upset you on purpose, so anytime someone says something that you  don’t agree with, you think it is an act of bullying.

I will correct Core Belief #4 (the correction is the added italicized words): the universe (as a higher power and as the people in it) wants you to suffer throughout your life, and therefore, it intentionally and repeatedly puts you in situations where people mistreat you.

Back to when you didn’t imagine abuse and neglect, it being that these things really happened in your life (your teenage mother/ parents handed you to a foster home a few states away, after about six months you were found by your maternal grandmother who brought you home where you grew up with your mother as your aunt, and your grandmother as your mother, while your aunts and uncles, way older than you, fought a lot with each other, at times bullied you  and one even sexually abused you, if I remember correctly. You spent a lot  of time in your room blocking your door, so no one can enter.

Wikipedia states regarding schizotypical personality disorder: “There is now evidence to suggest that parenting styles, early separation, trauma/maltreatment history (especially early childhood neglect) can lead to the development of schizotypical traits”.

I suggested that you see professionals to get re-evaluated, that maybe you suffer from a combination of schizotypical and paranoid personality disorders. But what is it that you were diagnosed with by this time in your life, was there a mental diagnosis (correct or incorrect) that was already made?

(I may add another post before you answer the above, later on).

anita