Dear Gustavo:

In your original post, Jan 31, you wrote about this woman: “she has a beautiful heart”- I will be looking for that beautiful heart as I read your recent post:

“I decided to speak with her yesterday and said that I don’t understand the signals she is sending me”- courageous, honest and assertive on your part, good move. You asked her to reciprocate the respect you have for her by not sending you “the signal she actually wants something with me”- fair, sensible, on your part. “I asked her that we should find a midpoint”- a win-win effort, suggesting a compromise, so that none of you feels used or.. a loser.

Her response: “said that none of this things meant anything and that she was not sending me any signals”- she lied and suggested that what means so much to you.. means nothing to her. She is not logical, not sensible, not respectful of you, not fair (at this point, I say: not a beautiful heart on her part).

“She didn’t accept for us to find this midpoint, so I said .. for my own good I would have to take some distance”- good move on your part, assertive, courageous.

After that, she expressed in a chat that “she believes I made this argument because.. I have another girl, said that people have said that I go out with other girl and that I’m a liar and that she wants nothing with me”- so after she lied to you about sending you a (mixed)signal that she is interested in a relationship with you, in the chat she is sending you the same signal, only by passing a relationship with you altogether and jumping ahead to breaking up with you because you.. cheated on her with other girls.

And she calls you a liar while it is she who lied to you. And then, more mixed signals, stating that :we were going on a nice path to build something”. The word something is suggesting a relationship. I suppose she said it so to punish you for.. allegedly lying to her and cheating on her.

In the beginning of your thread I thought she was an honest person. Then I thought maybe she is confused (having changing sentiments because she just moved to a new city etc.). Today my understanding of her evolves further: she is not an honest person, she has anger issues that caused her to accuse you of lying to her (while she is the one lying), ignoring your truth, your sensibility, your honest efforts to create a mutually respectful relationship (of any kind) with her, feeling anger at you as if you were her boyfriend and as if you cheated on her, and then proceeding to punish you, intending to make you feel bad by saying something like: if you didn’t lie to me and didn’t cheat on me, I would have been your girlfriend, so there! Enjoy your pain!

“it hurts me that she believes that I’m actually hiding.. lying.. haven’t been transparent with her”- no, it is she who did the hiding and lying and it is she who wasn’t transparent with you: she projected her thoughts/ feelings/ behavior to you. And then, she attacked you for who she is.

“I have never seeing her like this”- neither did I. But now I do. It takes time to know a person. I suggested to you earlier to take her off the your pedestal. Good advice on my part. On the pedestal she had a beautiful heart, off the pedestal- not so.

“it’s me having to prove to her that she can trust me”- but like you wrote, “I haven’t done really anything to break that trust”.

“Why she reacted so hard, blaming me.. “- because she is dishonest, disrespectful, manipulative- she wants you to feel bad, guilty so that you will chase her and make up to her for crimes you didn’t commit. This is the MO of some women, to hold a man captive by unjustified guilt.

You did the right things with this woman, just as I outlined in this post (responding to part by part of your recent post, commenting on one sentence or paragraph before reading what is next). But she is not into doing right by you. She wants to punish you for wrong doings that.. other people did to her, not you.

anita