Genie,

I’m sorry to hear your anxiety is in full flight, there is nothing worse than feeling like you physically might throw up with upset and anxiety. It really gets a grip on us.

Reading your last post seems to read like your self criticism is at an all time high. I’m so glad your new romantic interest has been patient this far, it shows that he has a lot of respect for you and really appreciates you and wants to make it work. However, it might be a case of you needing to do more work by yourself first. As Michelle would often mention on here, when you find the next relationship that is healthy for you, and you have really done the work on yourself, it won’t cause anxiety or upset or uncertainty. We will know we are fine with or without that person and that means that we’re whole by ourselves. They add to our happiness is all.

I completely empathise with how you feel right now. Perhaps some space and time might be a good idea now…..I know I know…..the anxiety will be tough in the meantime. But maybe he just needs space. He has been there for you up to now but no-one knows how much they are willing to give until they’re tested and maybe he could help and support to a point, and there is nothing wrong with that either. We are all unique and have different capacity for growth or support or patience.

I don’t think you have done anything wrong. Really, please don’t beat yourself up. I promise it serves ABSOLUTELY no purpose, it will succeed in only making you feel worse. You don’t want to feel worse. You want to start feeling better. So deep breaths. Anxiety will want you to act on a knee jerk fashion, but step back, deep breaths, calm your heart and mind as much as you can, and you might get some clarity.

Appreciate your guy’s feelings too, he has struggled and he needs to figure out his stuff. You can’t figure out his stuff aswell as your stuff. We each have to work on ourselves. Obviously he will need to communicate with you and get your input if it surrounds your current relationship, but anxiety may make you try to cling and I understand completely that you don’t want to lose anything, but take a breath. If it’s as strong as you have believed it to be, you will be able to have a calm conversation again soon with him.

Im trying not to think of it lately as my ex still having a hold on me, or my ex stopping me from moving on. I’m not trying to make it specific to a person, I’ve been trying to say it was my own stuff coming up, as a result of that relationship, my own stuff I have to deal with regarding attachment, that became apparent in and after that relationship, that is now stalling me somewhat. So maybe continue on trying to work on that and hopefully bit by bit, growth will come and you will feel better. X