Dear Serkan:

When I read your first paragraph, it seemed to me that this woman, the object of your affections, felt misunderstood by you, that when she told you about herself, you didn’t hear her words, but your incorrect interpretation of her words.

But then you quoted something she shared with you: “not like a memory.. it didn’t happen to me.. a life course”- I didn’t understand what she was trying to say. So now I am thinking: if you misinterpreted her, maybe because what she told you was confusing, vague, difficult to understand.

She told you that her parents fight and that she is afraid of ending up in the same situation. You believe that when the two of you had small disagreements, such as where to eat outside, she exaggerated the disagreement to mean that she is about to end up in the same situation as her parents: fighting within a marriage.

You wrote that some of her friendships ended because “she can’t give a promise in certain future plans”.

Maybe she was so distressed by her parents’ fights (understandable, fights between parents, especially when loud and violent, are very scary to children), that she avoids relationships, ends them quickly if they start, and when temporarily in  a relationship, she communicates in a vague way so to lead to the ending of communication altogether, keeping her safe this way.

Do you think this might be the case?

anita