Hi Genie,

I hate when people say ‘Don’t panic’ in the midst of me panicking, like I hadn’t thought of that….and oh jeeee….of course….why don’t I just not panic!?!! But I don’t believe there is cause to panic in this instance. Let’s look at this, you have strong feelings for Jay, evidently he has strong feelings for you or wouldn’t have stayed this long and been so supportive etc. Something changed in the dynamic and it just gave him more information about his circumstances with you. If he did not want to continue a relationship (of any kind) with you, he wouldn’t. He would move on. He has not. He is taking things slow and seeing how it develops. He seems to recognise that you need to process some stuff of your own still and is putting that as a priority also. If he needs a little more space, right now, I suppose you might need to respect that. Wouldn’t you want someone to respect you enough to give you a little space if you needed it?

As you’re aware I got back with my ex a total of 3 times. The final time last year was weird for the first few weeks. He was SERIOUSLY cautious around me and there was no hand holding or affection or anything and I did question at the time whether he even liked me or was attracted to me anymore. We kept hanging out as….I dunno…friends I guess….even though I don’t know if I would even have called it that, it was just a weird phase…..but he never declined to meet me etc, so I didn’t put pressure on it and we found our way back to each other that time and actually, the spark was ten fold when we did. But he was just cautious and gunshy I guess, but evidently he still did have strong feelings for me at that time and was wary of going down the same road (heartbreak) again and feared his hurt and hurting me. I know it didn’t work out, but my point is….anxiety could be really playing a little bit of a role here, making you feel strong attachment and fear of abandonment. But if you can breathe and try to remain as calm and patient as you can, it could all be okay. By all accounts, Jay sounds like a great human being and cares about you, so perhaps try to have faith in that!

I hope it helps, but as you know, I’m not exactly the Yoda of all things relationship! I do know that my need to be with my ex was definitely too much of a burden for him to bear and did not help me in the long run. However, the times I was more calm and patient, it definitely worked out better. Good luck with it my dear. x