Dear Janus, Earth Angel and Poet:

“emotional pain is worse because.. external environment can change if a person gets shelter, food or clothing.. I find myself sometimes wishing I could leave myself behind and adopt a new body that doesn’t have anxiety and that doesn’t have gender dysphoria”-

– you said it very well: the pain of being cold and hungry ends when sheltered and clothed, but there is no way to end anxiety, not for years of hard work (quality psychotherapy, meditation, moderate exercise, etc.).

– you also said this very well: you first mentioned anxiety and after that, gender dysphoria (“a new body that doesn’t have anxiety and that doesn’t have gender dysphoria”)- first came the anxiety, then it attached itself to your gender.

Unfortunately you get no emotional support from your parents, only the material support. Material support is very important of course, so continue to get it, but do not look for their emotional support anymore. When you keep hoping for emotional support from them, and keep trying to get it, you add to your anxiety because you get rejected again and again.. and yet again. So accept that there is no emotional support coming from them, not now, not ever. Continue to look for emotional support elsewhere.

anita