Dear JustAnotherBreak:

I think that the following are unhealthy behaviors:

1. “he hung up on me and hasn’t said a word to me since.. he’s mad, he goes silent, and I’m stonewalled until he wants to speak”

2. “I asked his son’s name, and he told me he’s given it to me 3 times but I don’t listen. I know he never said his name”, meaning he lied to you and blamed not himself, but you- for not listening to something he didn’t say.

3. “he’s secretive” and yet he spies on you on social media.

4. You have no say regarding dates, he tells you the day and time and you accommodate him.

“am I the problem”? you asked. My answer- you are a problem in the sense of keeping a Problem in your life, that is, in continuing a problematic, unhealthy relationship in your life.

Better end this relationship, I say. What do you think?

anita