Dear ParadoxMusic:

I will use a selection of your words but not necessarily in the order you shared in your two threads:

“I am a 15 year old student. My parents despise me. My parents told me that I was a burden to them and that I bring shame to the family. Insults from my own parents and my sister crushed me. I love and care for my parents even if they mistreat me. Sometimes you have to suffer through it.

Friends pushed  away and insulted (me). People pretend to be friends with me just to get what they want. No one wants to be friends other than use me. I accepted the insults ohers had to me.  I still help them even when I  know that I’m being used. I never got angry.

I have this weird pain in my chest that wouldn’t go away. I’ve grown used to this now and I call the feeling I get when I encounter this ‘Dark Energy’ which I happen to like the more I experience it. I like the ‘Dark Energy’ that I get when I get insulted by others. It helps soothe (my) pain.

If you read my other thread, you will know that I loved someone, which also soothed the pain.”

I have a few questions for you. You are welcome to answer or not answer. It is your choice and I am okay with both. I ask because I am trying to understand you better:

1. Do you experience pain and pleasure when people insult you?

2. Do you experience pain and pleasure when people use you?

3. Regarding this sentence about being rejected by a girl: “the pain from getting rejected distracted me from the pain that I was already feeling“-

– what was the pain you were already feeling about?

anita