Hey @genie. Sorry you are feeling so lonely girl. Don’t feel stupid. Like you say, better said here than to him. I think your answer lies in the last post where you say that you can’t control everything and just have to be patient. I know that that’s hard to deal with when you are feeling particularly anxious; I find it almost impossible, but it’s true. I think you are doing very well by choosing to clarify your thoughts here before taking any action with him; that in itself is choosing not to give in to anxiety. Are you guys seeing each other in person at the moment? Maybe when you organise to meet up next time you can ask him if he’d be willing to chat about where you’re both at, that way he has a heads up that it’s coming. Make it clear that it doesn’t have to be a totally ‘reveal all’ discussion, that you just want to check in because you really like him. And also that if he needs more time that’s fine too, that you appreciate the patience he has shown you and you are willing to do the same. Only you know whether doing something like that would work as you know yourself, him, and your relationship better than I do… but it does seem to me that some kind of conversation needs to happen as anxiety inducing as that prospect is.

Thanks for your advice re this new person I am talking to. You are right, of course. Hookups and getting short buzzes from flirting is more damaging in the long run. I don’t want that really, I want intimacy and that’s different. We’ve kept chatting and have got into some deeper conversations as of late. I told her that I am trying really hard to be more vulnerable and authentic in the connections I form with people  even though that’s scary, and she responded well.  I don’t know if it will eventuate into anything but I do enjoy talking to her. It’s clear that she has her own anxieties and baggage as I do but she promised to always be honest about where she and her feelings are at. So we will see… personally I am proud of myself for putting myself out there again even though it may well lead to more hurt in the long run and acknowledging I still have work to do to find validation in myself rather than seeking it from others.

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you. I would say that the “old Genie” is still there and still strong, she’s just had a knock and is hiding at the moment. She’ll be coaxed out with time, patience, and kindness. Always here if you need an ear!