Hi kiwiboy0897,

I agree with everything Anita said. Attraction isn’t cheating or betrayal, acting on it is.  He may have told Steve that he had an attraction to him, but he also then told Steve that he loves you and that nothing was going to happen between them.

I can’t think of how someone who claims they are loyal can develop an attraction for someone else, and confess the way they feel.

Attraction is a feeling and we cannot help our feelings. We can only help our actions. Like Anita said, there are going to be times that you find other people attractive, maybe even strongly. It happens a lot with people when they work closely together. This is where trust and loyalty come into play. Your boyfriend seems like he is very loyal. He may have confessed his feelings for this other man after the other man confessed his first (and I believe your boyfriend when he says he may have gotten caught up in the moment. It happens to all of us sometimes), but following that, he then told the guy that he loves you and wants to be with you, so the important part of that event was that he didn’t actually act on those feelings, even when he knew the other guy felt the same (which is a huge temptation). He remained loyal to you.

If I were you, I would try not to get caught up in the fact that he developed feelings for another person. It really is a normal thing, whether you love someone or not, and even when you’ve been happily married for 30 years.  I can remember my best friend’s parents talking to us about their marriage when we were younger. They got married when they were around age 18, and they had both admitted to being attracted to other people on and off throughout their lives, but they remained loyal to each other, never acted on any attractions with other people. They also made it a point to not continue to put themselves into situations of temptation whenever they could avoid doing so (it’s hard to do when you work with the person), so hopefully that’s a lesson your boyfriend learned as well. And it’s one for you to remember in the future, too, should you ever find someone else that you feel attracted to.