Dear blkhwkdwn1:

“for those several months we were SO CLOSE!!!.. kept delaying hanging up.. her genuinely wants to talk to me on the phone and be sad when we don’t.. put a frowny face when I said I was going to bed… that best summer of my life in 2017”- all this was real and genuine, it was the real thing. I  know it because I’ve been communicating with you for so long and I know that you wouldn’t feel about her the way you felt if she was not genuine. You felt “SO CLOSE!!!” because she was SO GENUINE!!!

Your situation is not rare, unfortunately- two people being so close and then.. distant. It is more often the case, as two people in a romantic or friends relationship being so close for a lifetime is rare.

“You think she will reply saying goodbye or anything?”- looking at history, I am guessing she will reply because she did before, following your goodbye messages of the past. If she is out of town, it is more likely that she will not return your messages because that’s what happened in the past. But there is a possibility that she is tired of the same-old-same-old goodbye/ I-am-back pattern on your part and will not message you whether she is in town or not.

“is she mad because what I said and just wants to ignore me?”- I got the impression that she is not easy to anger and that she is not passive aggressive, so I tend to think that she will not ignore you for the purpose of punishing you, because she is angry at you.

“Could not sleep well.. was becoming late for work often, work was about to write me up and I could not think of anything else but being angry”- I understand then why you sent her that goodbye message: it was your only way to get a relief from the ongoing anger and obsession about her, and why the two of you are no longer close.

It is better that you save your job and “Let her go”, after all, because the closeness is in the past, most of it anyway. It is sad that it is. I am sad for you. But like I mentioned, closeness is possible for you with someone else, just as it has been possible for her, with someone else.

About you pretending to be happy at work, for as long as it works for you, keep it going. But in a personal setting, such as in a personal friendship/ relationship, be genuine, in moderation (ex. express being sad and even cry, but not on and on for hours).

I’d say, if you do message her again, if you talk to her again, make it genuine, 100%. Be YOU.

anita