I cant delete my PREV post but I’m feeling better. I decided to ring Jay myself. I didn’t want to undo my hard work , I told him the news had made me very anxious and he said I was being silly to think he didn’t want to deal with any of my anxiety attacks and it would be more painful to him to know that I didn’t feel comfortable to reach out to him. He said he accepted this was a part of me and still was going to stick around. I didn’t tell him I had thought what if by the end of lockdown he didn’t want me. I felt reassured in the way he spoke to me and didnt want to open can of worms or let the negative thoughts win. He said if I wanted to be rebellious and desperately wanted to see my mum he was willing to drive me down and we can meet from her from the window and then return. I declined as if anything happened to him or his parents I’d never forgive myself. Then he said let’s do some meditation together so we video called and i felt so much calmer. He jokingly said I was banned from reading the news and if I did the would be withholding his kisses when we meet (I went from grip hold anxiety to feeling really giddy like a teen) He said he would update me on any relevant news. I decided to think happy thoughts and everyday I’m going to reaffirm them. I just can’t believe how lucky I am to have someone who accepts me for who I am. So far he has just seen mainly the uglier side of me. I haven’t had the chance to show him the fun me, the soppy me And he still thinks I’m amazing. I really can not wait until this is all over. I need to see it as things to look forward to instead of things I cant have. After all absence does make you appreciate what you don’t have more. Sorry chicks for the rants.