Hi Anna,

From what you’ve said, I can’t help but think there’s something wrong on her end. She’s either trying to convince herself that her relationship and the pace in which it moved is the gold standard so that she can feel better about it or she’s very, very bored and needs to try to tell someone else how to live their lives. Maybe telling you what you should do just makes her feel powerful. Either way, what she’s doing is all about her trying to make herself feel better in some way.

The real fact of the matter is that every relationship is different. Every couple is different and they all move at different speeds. The timeline of their relationship likely wouldn’t be right for yours, and it’s wrong for her to try to push that onto you and make you think there’s something wrong with your relationship just because it’s not moving in the same way hers did.  If you tried to make your relationship move the same exact way, that would likely put unnecessary strain on it, so it’s much better to just let it flow naturally, just as you have been.

I agree with the others, just end the conversation with her when she tries to bring it up. Don’t let her opinions affect how you feel about your relationship. If you feel good about your relationship and you’re being treated well, then your relationship is good! Nobody should be trying to tell you any different. If you reach a point where you feel like you would like things to move a little faster, then that’s a good conversation to have with your boyfriend, but don’t let anyone outside the relationship pressure you into feeling that way. It’s perfectly fine (and sometimes WAY better) to just let things move slowly but surely. It’s quite possible that you may end up with a relationship that is more solid than hers because you took the time to build a strong foundation before moving to more serious steps.

Also, I have an 8-year-old son and a 14-year-old daughter and I 100% agree with relationships moving at a snail’s pace when kids are involved. It’s best to be SURE before you make important decisions like moving in or marriage, and it really does take a lot of time to get to know someone and to truly find out how well everyone’s personalities and values mesh together because people often hide parts of themselves for a long time. Slow and steady wins the race and keeps the relationship strong (as long as you don’t let any outsiders get into your head), in my opinion.