Hi Brynna- I am glad my story resonate with you (or sad to hear…guess it’s a catch-22 there!) I know exactly how you feel. If I can give anyone any advice is that I would wait until you’re completely emotionally calm and have understood how you feel and are confident in yourself before reaching back out. I understand when you’re alone it hurts the most, but keep in mind it’s still fresh (4 months isn’t that long) and everyone in the world, including yourself, is feeling lonely and scared because of this pandemic and it’s easy to resort back to comfort. I would tell you to wait before reaching out. Wait until you feel like you’ve fully figured yourself out and what went wrong, because there is a strong chance of rejection (even if you think it’s meant to be on your end) and you will need to be fully ready to bounce back from that and accept it for what it is if it happens. Not to be a debbie downer, but just protect your heart! I realized that I was simply lonely and putting my ex on a pedestal and I was only able to see that once I gave myself a long, long time to heal.