Dear anita,

Thank your for your response. I want to begin by saying that sadly, the call I referred to in my second post was where we decided to call it off. I am very hurt, but having this conversation with you is helping me a lot in making sense of what has happened.

To the point of she becoming quiet : In person, she’s not like this at all. She’s forthright, honest and voices her view with consideration. However, this has not been the case in our LDR during the quiet periods. When she is living in a place with almost not internet, we are left with calls and messages, and when those stop, I have been at a loss to find out what has happened.

I started thinking about your point of there being more truth than what she chose to express. I need to add some more information for a picture to emerge here. When I expressed my feelings for her in Aug last year, one of the first things she said was that she was sorry for having led me on and she was aware of her tendency to do that. During our last call too, she said that she should have told me earlier about this not working for her. At a point during the call, I told her that we can plan future scenarios together, but each of us need to answer the fundamental question of – do you see a future together? I told her that any answer other than an emphatic yes was a no, and the answer from my side was yes. But she said her answer was not an emphatic yes. So, from all this, the picture that emerges points to the underlying truth – she did not seem to have a sustained romantic connection with me at all. She may have had moments and phases where she felt so (probably due to us getting close from calls, texts and letters), but every so often, she was questioning herself if this was something real for her. The quiet periods seem to be where she was in this mode. Another thing she told me during the call was that she was half-heartedly going along with the LDR thinking that my sincere affection will break it through, but she has realized that that was not enough.

She has also told a few times that she feels I am sensitive, and she feels the needs to be cautious of what she says to me.  Hence, as you alluded to an underlying truth, the distance reason may well be a proxy for letting me know gently that she’s not feeling a strong enough romantic connection towards me.

Finally, her motive for asking me to move to the mountains may have been to assess the strength of her romantic interest towards me, and it may not have turned out the way I would have hoped. My view of moving to the mountains, in contrast, was to commit to a life with her, not as a test of my interest in her. I think this is what you meant when you said –

There are probably reasons and considerations in her mind that you need to know if you were to quit your job and move to a remote location with her!    and

The fact that she goes quiet when she is troubled blocks you from crucial information, leaves you guessing, assuming what may not be true at all and making choices based on wrong assumptions.

I don’t know when (whether) we’ll get in touch again. 🙁  When we do, I would like to ask her about this. I am hurt, and sad at the dissipating vision of a person I could have become with her by my side. I will miss the sense of joy and adventure she brought into my life.

As I said in my first post, this was my first serious relationship (and from what it looks now, it was one-sided). Your answers have been illuminating and have helped (and will continue to help) me to understand what went wrong in what looked (to me atleast) something very special. I appreciate your time and effort very much.

-jy