Dear Sarah:

Her brother tells you that “pretty much everything she posts online is real”- let’s look at what is real:

1. She is “ahead in fashion”- she really is ahead in fashion, the photos show that.

2. She “always had lots of friends”- she really does.

3. She “did lots of cool things”- vacations and such, I am guessing.

4. She “had more money” than you- I suppose she does.

5. She “has an enviable figure and is pretty”- I suppose she really does.

6. “She has everything, she has the perfect package”- If #1-5 above is everything, then she has everything.

You wrote: “I need to know what she’s doing, where she’s going, what she’s wearing etc… I want to BE her. I won’t go into it all but my life is nothing compared to hers”-

– let me take you to a tour of her life that you can’t see by looking at her social media accounts, and which her brother probably doesn’t know much about, if any:

At the end of the evening, when she checked out of social media, lying in bed, she turns off the light and she lies there, not tired enough, lying there, anxious. She knows there is a global pandemic going on, and she knows that people who’s fashion is impeccable got sick (not necessarily from Covid-19, there are plenty of other scary diseases), so she may too. She knows that people with lots of friends and money got sick, so she may too. She knows that one day she will get sick and die, like everyone else, and nothing she has, nor her beauty will save her from the fate of us all.

She knows that the economy is suffering a whole lot, she worries that maybe her money will not be enough. A few of her friends have more money than she does, and she envies them. Thinking about her many friends, she is annoyed with one or two who didn’t pay much attention to her that day, didn’t even Like her posts that day.

In the morning, not having slept much, she walks to the bathroom and looks at her image in the mirror, she sees a wrinkle on her face and her anxiety goes up- a wrinkle? Oh, no, I am getting old (her fashion, friends, having done cool things.. none of these can stop her aging, alas!), better cover it, she thinks.  She washes her face, applies foundation, make up, but her heart is heavy.  She then thinks: social media! That’s fun!, so after her makeup and hair is perfect, and she put on a fashionable top, she takes a selfie of herself smiling, looking very happy. She posts it online, gets Like responses and emojis, and a few envious comments by friends.. and voila! She feels so much better.

Somewhere on the other end of a computer screen, you are taking in that newest selfie and think to yourself: oh, she has Everything, I want to be her. Well, you are her. You too worry about getting sick and dying (whenever the thought crosses your mind), you too worry about looking unattractive as you get older. You too are envious of people who have more money than you, and you too know that even though you have more things and money than many people, none of these things or money will save you from the fate that is the same as everyone’s.

* This is an obsession, at this point, to stalk her online, “an addiction”, as you called it. Like any addiction, there is a way to treat it. Let me know what you think of what I wrote so far, and we can continue to communicate on the matter.

anita