Hey @genie and @michelle!

Michelle, what wonderful news! I am so happy for you. A huge relief indeed. Well done on taking your own advice – no doubt it was good!

Genie, sounds like that pesky inner critic is holding you back a bit, but it’s great you recognise that. I have been learning that trying to control things is all a ruse anyway. It helps anxiety in the short term but doesn’t actually relieve anything at the end of the day; it’s all a perception of control more than anything. I’m sure you know this already! As you say he has stuck by you this far. And you gave me some great advice about just enjoying the moment, without expectation, so why don’t you just try do more of that? I often find myself getting stuck in patterns of “I don’t want to seem too X so I will or won’t do Y”, but I’m learning that that isn’t necessarily helpful and the best interactions are when I just let myself go and enjoy them for what they are without thinking too much. Hope you are able to see each other in person soon enough!

Update on the isodate (not sure if I made that up or saw it somewhere but I do love it too). Thanks for your support and good wishes! We did it tonight and it was really fun. I was a bit nervous but was just myself and I feel we connected well. We FaceTimed and then watched a stream of a theatre show and messaged a bit, then FaceTimed again. The conversation felt like it flowed easily and was a bit flirty here and there. At the end she said that she really enjoyed it and that she would talk to me again soon. I said that we’d have to do this again another time and she agreed and blew me a kiss through the screen which I guess is as good as it gets in lockdown! So I have that nice post-date buzz. The challenge is now for me to sit with the anxiety trying to break through – this is common for me. Something will go well and feel natural and then the anxious, critical thoughts start. The ‘what ifs’ about her not contacting me again or it not going as well as I thought. The nice thing is that I feel I am more able to just let these thoughts be here without reading too much into them. And given last time this happened, I had not had a ‘proper’ relationship, there were a lot more unknowns which are not as scary anymore because I have been here before and know it’s possible. And happily I did not think of or pine for my ex, except that the more time passes the more I realise that she really wasn’t what I was looking for in many ways but I am still very grateful I had the experience and wish her well.

So… there we go! Seems like there will be more to report in future hopefully!! I couldn’t wait to tell you guys – you’ve become my relationship cheerleading squad of sorts. Thank you so much for your support! Hope lockdown life continues to go ok. Chat soon. Xo