Hey. Sorry for not getting back sooner. I’m glad to hear you are getting some replies on the duplicate post.

I saw Anita is helping you work through some possibly related issues so I won’t interfere with that, I’ll stick to the A/B situation and your current high anxiety level around it.

It’s pretty clear to me that you’re trying to make an impossible choice whilst you are still processing the original break-up. Everything you describe is what I went through after my most painful break-up, as have many many others. It’s a double loss of sorts, both losing the person in your life but also losing all your dreams/hopes/expectations of how your life was going to turn out. It’s like pulling a big rug out from underneath you and everything feels scary, unsettled, different, somehow ‘not right’, like it’s all gone wrong. And that’s the thing – most brain’s/humans crave security, the familiar. Often choosing to stay in situations that aren’t god for them simply because it’s a known, it may not be ideal but it’s safe, non-threatening, expected.  So when it all gets thrown into the air, it’s impossible to be able to think in a clear way without fear being in the driving seat.

Having made the decision to refuse A, it really is absolutely panic hitting you. Constantly wondering was it the right choice, second-guessing yourself, creating both mental and physical stress on your body and stopping you from moving on to new things, e.g. B.  The thing is, none of the ‘facts’ have changed. All the reasons you choose not to return to A still remain valid.  The only thing that is different is that you have had to choose to let him go, instead of dealing with being let go by him. It creates stress, especially if you aren’t used to making big decisions for yourself about your life.  And it still is your choice. If you want to give it another go with A, you can do so, obviously. But don’t choose to do so out of fear, it needs to be a choice for positive reasons. Don’t let the fear of losing the life you had planned even though you weren’t happy with him or the fear he’ll find someone else be your driver. If you genuinely think you see enough evidence he has actually changed and want to try again before being able to decide, then that may well be what you need to do. I don’t see the evidence from what you have written but you know your situation best. All I see is that everything you write here screams of panic, fear, anxiety – not positive reasons for giving it another go.

One exercise you can try – what happens if you imagine giving up your current life, the happiness & confidence gained without A. How do you feel about not seeing B anymore? At the moment you are so focused on what you may or may not be missing with A, it’s worth trying the other way around as it sometimes helps make things clearer.

Take care.