Dear IpkR09:

1. Regarding drama with your boyfriend: you wrote that “your love for drama” were his words to you.  You wrote to him: “I am sorry for all the discomfort I have caused you from my love for drama.. I know you want silence and peace”.

You wrote about your boyfriend on Dec 2018 that he was “polite and respectful and understanding and encouraging.. patient with people, took time to understand matters and tried solving things… a rather ethical man and unfortunately a people pleaser”-

– there is no reason for you to be dramatic with him: he is polite and respectful, understanding, ethical and patient- why stress him  out and disturb him with your dramatic behavior?

Leave him in peace!!!

2. Regarding your drama with your sister: your sister is very, very different from your polite, respectful, understanding, ethical and patient boyfriend. She is the extreme opposite: impolite, disrespectful, doesn’t bother to understand others; she is selfish, unethical and impatient:  “my sister never discusses anything.. it’s always she speaking her mind and then walking off”. When you asked for her approval regarding your boyfriend, she went back on her word to you, approving your boyfriends then she didn’t: “she totally went back on her words”.

She talked badly about you and about your boyfriend to your parents, and she talked badly about your boyfriend to his own friends and flat mates, behind his back: “painted the worst kind of image of the guy.. poisoned their minds against me in general and then against the guy.. She ruined his reputation amongst his friends, their mutual friends, and his flat mates… naturally she knew his secrets. She bared them all to his friends”.

She invaded your privacy as if it is her right to do so, and she is vengeful: “She had gone through my old phone when I was in college.. She saw my conversations with my ex and shared them with my mother and when she saw even that didn’t bother me, then with my dad as well.”

You wrote the above about your sister in Dec 2018 and April 2019. A year later, April 2020, you wrote: “My sister keeps complaining about me, every time I see her alone with one of my parents, I hear her talking about me- how I am not as I seem a I am and how I am a very convoluted person. Soon even when I was sitting in the room, she will start complaining.. whenever she is complaining, I keep quiet, both my parents as well because if I speak, it turns into a full-fledged fight and they don’t want”.

It is understandable that when in her company, you get dramatic: “when she went overboard, I started screaming, I screamed for her to stop talking first then just to leave me alone.. She doesn’t know when to stop and my mind explodes”.

You wrote that this drama with her was not motivated by you needing attention, and I believe you: I believe that you don’t want your sister’s aggressive attention!

3. Here is what is not making sense in your story: that you and your boyfriend, knowing who your sister is, want her approval for anything at all.

What is the point of you and him gaining all that formal, higher education (him being a software engineer and you working on another MBA), what is the use of all that information the two of you are acquiring, if you don’t apply this basic piece of information: it is very unwise to look for the approval of an unethical, vengeful, selfish person; it is very unwise to choose to give power to a person who has the long history of abusing her power.

I believe that you should never live with your sister, and if she lives with your parents, then you need to not live with your parents. Living away from her, and otherwise not being in her presence, you will have the opportunity to have peace of mind, and to expand this peace of mind to your boyfriend, future husband and children, if you choose to have children.

anita

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