Hello,

I haven’t read your original thread so I’m just going on what you’ve written here. It sounds like it is a very intense, stressful situation  at home where your mum is putting an extraordinary amount of pressure on you and isn’t caring about your happiness, only hers. I can emphasise a little as my mum does freak out alot if you tell her anything and its always a huge drama and it ends up being about what she thinks is right rather than helping to understand what I would really want and what would make me happy. So in this case your mum is not your ally at all in this situation- she just wants things to be easier for her.

I would say do you have a trusted friend you could speak to about this? If not I can also emphasise with the back and forth menatal decision between A and B and how draining and frustrating it must be.

I recommended listening to Michael Singer on another thread I commented on today and I do think again it may help as he has a video on youtube about finding inner clarity which you may find useful. The process basically involves getting still, grounded and centred in your body so your thoughts slow down a bit and you feel more ‘like yourself’. Lots of things that can help that like meditation or running or walking or yoga anything that makes you check in more with your body and come into your body rather than your head. Without any clarity it is very difficult to make a decision.

I would say that in your last post you associated with word ‘happy’ with your ex and more negative words with your current boyfriend. My take on it is that it sounds like you aren’t feeling your current relationship (and it sounds like its going to be hard work as its LDR and he lives the other side of the world) and so maybe connecting with your ex again and leaving your current relationship would help. You could maybe try mental exercises like picturing your ex and talking to him and writing down how thay makes you feel and then the next day doing the same writing exercise with your current boyfriend to see the difference? In my life when I have needed to make decisions even though my mind could be flip flopping back and forth and even my emotions and heart got too caught up and they were too overwhelming to see the wood from the trees, deep down my gut feeling knew what was right. This felt to me like a kind of “off” or wobbly uneasy feeling when I was in a situation I didn’t like or very intense and memorable dreams. But I guess everyone gut feeling is different so its what yours feels like.

I really emphasize with your situation. It must be so tough to be in an environment where you don’t feel emotionally safe. I know from experience how hard that is. I hope you are doing okay this weekend. Thinking of you xx