Dear Gimine:

Regarding your grandaunt: “I did try to understand her perspective”- her perspective seems to be to save money at your expense (selfish, unfair, unjust), as in to save on the electricity that runs the fan in your room even though you are paying rent and she is not providing you with air conditioning while the weather is hot and humid.

“my mum told me to just ignore her”- it is impossible to ignore a person who lives in the same apartment where you live, a person who “came in to the room, and made a commotion”!

You wrote that Malaysians are allowed to go back to Malaysia: apply online and get approval, can be done in 2 days, and involve a swab test and some quarantine.

One of your coworkers is another Malaysian who is currently working from home in Malaysia. Your boyfriend suggested that you do the same, and he offered you five months worth of money to give your brother for his studies, telling you: “Let me buy your health and happiness”.

But you are not jumping at his offer because you don’t want to leave a bad impression at your workplace and because you know that you will still be anxious in Malaysia (“I know I will get anxiety even when I am back home”).

My input this morning: it is true that when you already have anxiety in you, you will be anxious no matter where you go and where you live (until you take on the very slow process of healing and become less anxious over time). But certain life circumstances aggravate the anxiety, such as living in a place where the landlady invades your room and makes a commotion, demanding that you suffer in the heat and humidity without a fan or an aircondioning. If you live alone or in a place with relatively calm and reasonable people, it will be way better for your mental health.

If you felt okay living where you are at, fine. But if you continue to not be able to sleep and experience heightened anxiety then you shouldn’t stay there. If living with your family in Malaysia will be as bad as living with this woman, your grandaunt and her husband, then don’t move back to Malaysia.

Maybe you can live with your boyfriend instead of with your family???

anita