Dear Searching:

From what I understand, much of the time you were in a relationship with your boyfriend-turned-husband, you were focused on your education and career and often anxious. He “was there… the sweetest man”, saying he understands, and that was good enough. He had a supportive role in your life while your focus was education and career.

Fast forward to a little over a year ago, you found your passion in a new job (“It’s challenging and fulfilling”), and as a result, you felt “confident and accomplished”, no longer anxious like  before.

You no longer need a man in a supportive role, you need a man to join you in a different kind of life: moving forward, getting more out of life.

It is similar to this: person X (you) needs to cross a bridge and is scared to do so. Person Y (boyfriend/husband),  a sweet person, offers X a hand and helps her walk cautiously across the bridge. X is relieved and grateful. Fast forward, X feels stronger and more capable: she can not only cross the bridge walking, she can cross it running!

Y is still there, and he  offers her his hand, expecting to walk with her across the bridge, like before. But X doesn’t want to cross the bridge walking, that’s boring and frustrating:  she wants to run across!

Person Z (co-worker) happens to be there too, and he seems like the running kind of a person, a possible and desirable running companion for X, someone to run together with across the bridge!

Husband “has so many dreams.. he only talks about them.. he always stop at putting in the work… he says he understands”, but behind these words is “a brick wall  of emotion or action”- that’s Y stalling, walking a bit across that bridge, then standing, idling, nothing’s happening.

Let me know what you think about my input so far and we can communicate further, if you want.

anita