Dear Searching,

“This is the first time I’ve ever posted anything personal like this online… but, I’m looking for some help as I can’t really talk to anyone I know about this…”

Don’t worry about anything. You are safe here on the forum. Do do not post anything like numbers, emails, original names, etc.

“he was there through thick and thin, providing me with whatever I needed whenever I needed it.”

What a nice, caring, dedicated and committed person can be seen here.

“I accidentally caught feelings for a coworker.”

Truly speaking this should not have happened.

Maya or satan or egoic consciousness or whatever names there are – will always come in different ways to call you. Do not give-in.

But if it has happened, forgive yourself, forget and you can revert back to the person who loves you.

“He’s also in a committed relationship ” 

In that case its a absolute no-go there. Even if he wasn’t committed I would have suggested the same, given the details in your post.

“As for my husband, as soon as I started to gain my own security and accomplishments I started to realize that maybe our relationship wasn’t as sweet and beautiful and it used to be”

That is the beginning of the egoic thought patterns of the mind. Don’t give-in to it. You know it already “The grass is always greener on the other side”. The mind tries to trick us and find situations that are not currently good. If it was an unbearable and painful situation I would have suggested you to get out of it. But it doesn’t look like – absolutely not.

“he’s really struggling with success and self care”

Everyone has their life struggles. It works out for some and doesn’t for others. Not everyone fulfills their destiny. Yes I know they should at least work towards it or take some action. Some try. Some don’t. For others their thoughts of doing something is always there in their heads but they don’t speak up or show. In these cases they try to make an attempt but some blockage in the head, some energy stuck inside the body doesn’t allow them to even get up. Maybe you can help him to do something. Maybe you already tried. Something more. Be in his arms and try to ask in a very sweet way if there is something that you can do to help him achieve his dreams. Whatever the answer do not judge. Try after several days.

” still reverts to the pampering he gave me back in the days of anxiety to connect with me or possibly to disconnect from the rest of his life he cannot control?”

So nice to hear. People are dying to be pampered from their partner.

“he always says he understands and nothing else- it’s just the blank stare and nodding head.”

Good enough. Not surprised by this male pattern of speaking.

On the other hand just imagine a violent person who shouts, yells or even beats up their partner. Yes there are such people reported in this forum itself.

“He has so many dreams that I support but, he only talks about them… he always stops at putting in the work.”

You mentioned about supporting his dreams, but check out if there something that is you can do (in action) that will help him start working on his dreams.

“He is the sweetest man and would do anything for me”

That’s really wonderful to hear and what else would a wife expect. If one should be fine in other aspects of life too then it would have been a “perfect” person and there is no such thing. One would be good in one thing and not so good or efficient in other or totally bad in something else. But the fact that he is not-so-good in a few things and yet a loving, caring and sweet person should be good enough. This is what life is with all its imperfections.

“I don’t know if I could say I would do the same for him…”

Life/Universe keeps balancing things. May be its your turn now to give it back what he had done to you “he was there through thick and thin, providing me with whatever I needed whenever I needed it.”

Of course you can take your own decision but I suggest to keep it simple, not complicate much in the head, do not look at life from a “problem – solution” approach. Meaning okay this is the problem I have to look for a solution for it. Get away from the other person (not necessarily distance wise but feelings wise), get back to the love of your life and a sweet loving person, try and help him achieve his dreams. Even if that is fulfilled or not you still have a loving caring person with you. Please cherish that which is something difficult to find ie; genuine love.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 11 months ago by Ravi.