Dear dom:

“how can I accept things for how they are but also grow?.. If you accepted a brutal relationship as it is, how could you possibly grow”?-

– the suggestion to accept things as they are is only for situations you cannot change. For example, if you were in prison, and you took all the possible actions to free yourself, but all failed, then better accept being in prison. Because the desire to get free will wear you down with distress. On the other hand, if you are in a brutal relationship, and it is possible for you to leave, then you shouldn’t accept that relationship.. and leave!

The serenity prayer expresses it well (think of “things” in the following as situations): “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.

Differentiate between situations you cannot change and situations that you can change. Differentiate between people that are not open to a positive change and people who are open to a positive change, same principle.

anita