Dear Anita, I hope you had a great day today.

It is indeed hard to ignore, I felt so bad ranting it to my mum but I can’t ignore. I thought I was just weak.

I felt like breaking down every single day. I really hope this Covid-19 situation ends soon. At least going to office, I will have anxiety but I do not suffer for so long like how I do now. Long hours heart palpitations, body shaking.

My boyfriend and his family, his family isn’t aware of my depression and anxiety but they did offer to look for better jobs in Malaysia for me. They say that my qualification and skills could get me a better job. His parents used to work in Singapore and that is the reason why they do not want me to be in Singapore. They empathize me a lot. His mum will text me once in awhile to check on me, and end her text by wishing me to back soon.

Do you think that it is selfish of me to take this responsibilities and turn it into a burden? I feel really bad for my brother but I am only 23, I am still growing and learning. I do not want to lose myself in this process but I know I have no choice but to bear with it until he graduates next year. But I will definitely look for a better place to stay once the covid-19 situation subsides, hoping a calmer environment will help.

I just want this feeling to go. I dislike waking up in the middle of the night or morning because of anxiety attack, I dislike working while having bad heart palpitations. I just wish to breathe. I just want to wake up happy. I am always laughing with everyone because I do not want them to be worried. And also it is not like I have a choice now.

Thank you Anita for listening to me, I am utterly grateful. I wish you are doing good in whatever you are doing 🙂