Dear Lily:

I read both your posts this morning (my time now). Here are some highlights that make me happy:

“When someone mistreated me once, I still wanted to resolve the issue amicably, I still wanted to be polite. Now I think, if someone treats you this bad, it’s time to throw politeness out the window!”

– YES, YES, YES, says I with enthusiasm!

“I want to be true to myself, not overly polite (although I value politeness in everyday situations, no need to be disrespectful to anyone!). It is best for me and for the other person”-

-again, Yes, Yes, Yes! (said with enthusiasm)!

And please do forgive yourself for “not being consequent enough and not telling others what I want”- you were not able to do that at the time. Now you are able. Please apply empathy for yourself, not anger at yourself. Anger at self disables change for the better, empathy at self enables change for the better.

* Regarding reading articles and books and websites- be selective as to what you read, and keep in mind that you don’t have to read anything just because someone suggests that you do. I suppose if you are a student at a university, you have to read a certain selection of articles, books etc., so to get your degree. But otherwise, you are free to choose. Don’t obey anyone– not by doing what they want when present with them, and not by doing what they want when it is people online, especially when it’s people you just met (in person or online).

“About being socially responsible, I am not always. Sometimes I did not reply in months.. I want  to improve myself and not do that again”- I wonder if you didn’t reply because you didn’t know what  to say. In that case and in any case when you don’t feel like replying at length, you can reply on the same day, or the day after, with a very short, pleasant message like this (an example not based on any specifics): thank you for your note. I am feeling fine, I hope you feel better soon.

When you want to “not do that again”, whatever that is, remember that anger at yourself disables, and empathy towards yourself enables, so  make a mental note of what it is that you don’t want to do anymore, and let that mental note sink in without anger at yourself.

The “life admin day” reads good to me. I have trouble doing paper work myself. I keep postponing such. Maybe I will pick a day  myself. If I do, I will let you know how it goes. I hope to read from you about your Life Admin Day (LAD) next Thursday.

Do check with yourself, what you feel, what you want, what you value, “before saying yes to somebody”. I very much like your goal of being more and more true to yourself, and you already are, which is a delight for me to read!

Regarding your friend not calling when she says she will call, and her telling you that “she is bad at replying”, I think it’s  fair that  you tell her something like this: because you are bad at replying and you can’t help  it, simply don’t tell me that you will reply at any one time– I will then not expect you to call me at any particular time, and I will not be disappointed.

“Since she met her boyfriend and a lot of new friends through him, we have less contact. Mainly I am sad about this, after all she was the one who called me her best friend and said she loved me. Now I feel a bit forgotten”- a very common situation, unfortunately, friends left behind when a person gets into a new romantic relationship. I wish it wasn’t the case.

As you describe the weather and vegetation where you live, it reads like the weather and vegetation where I live, I think we are at a very similar latitude. It is sunny here too, not 7 am yet. I hope you went for your walk by the time you read this, or soon after.

anita