Hey chicks,

So the UK lockdown is just ongoing. Tomorrow we get some guidance from our crappy PM. The amount of time I’ve been in lockdown and without any exposure I was faced with a difficult choice;

1. Jay asked if I feel comfortable coming to his if we are allowed to extend our social bubble from mon. This really was an option as I’ve been talking to him and his parents more reg and feel good/calm now.

2. I miss my mum and sister and my mum keeps saying it’s safe to come stay if I’ve been inside all this time.

I was so torn, anxiety was starting to creep in do I go home or to Jay’s. I want to see my family I’ll regret it if something happened to my sister and I didn’t get any quality time with her. So I’m just packing my things for at least a month and will be heading south finally. Which means I will not be on here for a while. I just want quality time with my sister, her care is demanding and I want to ease my mum. I will come back on when things are more settled so keep posting.

I was anxious to tell Jay but that man is amazing. He said to take all the time I need and he was going to be there when I’m back. He said he understood and not to worry about what he thought, focus on your family. I cried, happy relieved tears.I have never met someone so understanding and supportive. Those pesky thoughts of why me? You are amazing and could have anyone? Why not someone else who isn’t a mess? creep in but the more I talk to him, the more they are disappearing he has given me reassurance when needed and I don’t want to be a drain and let those pesky thoughts ruin me from enjoying things. Now I cut this line of thought and say he chose me and I deserve the love I’ve wanted all along. I didn’t get it before but now I’m getting it returned, I deserve that. Everyone deserves that. Today he also sent flowers to take home for them. I can’t wait to go home and tell my mum and sister all about him and this new beginning. I feel proud and have you chicks to thank. I have decided to surprise facetime him with my mum and sister because he knows I haven’t mentioned him much so it will make him feel more engaged/inclusive in my life and I’ll send his parents something too , I want him to feel appreciated just like he does for me. I finally gave turned a corner. My anxiety would often leave me feeling drained but I know now it’s a part of me, I will always get the churning sensation when I feel loss of control, fear but i kick it to the curb rather than let it overcome me. I feel calmer.

Soz about the long message.

@adelaide I can’t tell you how excited I am for you too. Your new relationship seems to he growing from strength to strength. Good communication and reciprocity makes such a world of difference. So glad you are made to feel comfortable about the physical aspect and reassured when you need. Just keep the give and take going and it will be the love story of lockdown!! You must be so excited for your first date in person!! Keep posting and I will reply when I can.

@michelle thank you mother hen! I can’t wait to read up on your travel adventures again!

Catch you soon chicks! Xxx