Dear Mary:

“I lost my feelings for him and this scared me a lot… I feel so much guilt saying the word (love).. it feels selfish”-

– it is quite common for girls/ very young woman to feel a strong loving feeling for a guy, next suddenly notice that the loving feeling disappeared, next get scared, as if something terrible happened. Next, the woman focuses on how she feels on and on: do I feel love now? What about now? Why don’t I feel it???

While all along, every single person on the face of the earth experiences, on a regular basis, that which is scaring you so much: everyone who feels love for someone, at times doesn’t feel that love. Even your boyfriend didn’t feel love for you all the time. Most of the time he is too busy or focused on something else, or even if he is not busy and thinking about you, sometimes he doesn’t feel love for you. The difference is that when it happens to him, he doesn’t get scared and he doesn’t worry about it.

Loving feelings are like water flowing on the ground after it rains. It flows for hours or days, and then it dries until it rains again. You can’t hold water in your hands like you would hold a rock, so better not expect to be able to do the impossible.

In addition to fear, you feel guilty for not feeling love for him, as if you were a criminal. And you feel selfish for being with him while not feeling love- while all along he too doesn’t feel loving feelings for you in-between the times that he does.

Does this make sense to you?

anita