Dear Matthew:

I am glad you did the exercise I suggested, answering my two questions. You did a thorough job, and I am encouraged by the fact that you took my suggestion seriously and followed through.

I read the rest of your post and this is my understanding today (presented in a simplified way): you are afraid to leave home because your memories of your childhood experience at home are good, and your memories of your later childhood at school and on the streets are bad.

You experienced Home as a good and safe, and the World outside as a bad and dangerous Place. (No wonder you were so miserable when you lived alone in the city, rushing back home).

“Sometimes I feel extremely sad and I cry thinking about the future, thinking about the fact that one day I will lose my family, whom I love so much (I’m terrified of the possibility that when I leave it will be the last time I see my grandmother, or even worse, my parents.. I’m actually crying right now while writing this)”-

– you are very attached to your parents and to a lesser extent, to your grandmother, too attached.

“I am afraid of hopping onto the train that I’ve been waiting for in the station because that would mean that I am never returning to that station?”-

I will rewrite the above question: I am afraid of hopping onto adulthood because that would mean that I am never returning to my childhood.

You are in between childhood and adulthood: too attached to your childhood/parents and too scared of adulthood/other people.

“Sometimes I feel extremely sad and I cry thinking about the future, thinking about the fact that one day I will lose my family, whom I love so much (I’m terrified… and other times I feel optimistic about my future and I believe in myself. These states can alter in a matter of minutes”-

– you oscillate (move back and forth) between a sad and scared child state of mind and an optimistic and confident adult state of mind.

From www. jpsycholpathol. it/ wp- content/ uploads/ .. pdf, about the newest American Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) diagnosis of adult Separation Anxiety Disorder:

“Separation Anxiety Disorder has been recently classified into the DSM-5 section of Anxiety Disorders, acknowledging its role not only in childhood and adolescence but also across the whole lifespan… the DSM-5 acknowledged Separation Anxiety Disorder as a condition that may span the entire life, but also begin at any age, leading to its inclusion among anxiety disorders… it usually begins in childhood and more rarely in adolescence.. the vast majority of persons classified as having adult Separation Anxiety Disorder report first onset in adulthood, with a peak onset in early 20s.

The essential feature of Separation Anxiety Disorder is an inappropriate and excessive anxiety concerning separation, actual or imagined, from home or major attachment figures, causing clinically significant distress or impairment in functioning. Symptoms may include recurrent excessive stress when anticipating or experiencing separation from major attachment figures or home, persistent and excessive worry about losing major attachment figures or about potential harm befalling to them.”

Back to your writing: “I am afraid of change. I am actually afraid of advancing in life and moving on… I am afraid.. what’s the solution? Is it as simple as ‘Just do it?’ Ignoring all the pain involved and moving forward without looking back?”-

My answer: I believe that you are afraid to separate from your parents and grandmother, afraid to leave your childhood home, afraid to make the transition from childhood to adulthood.

I think that you separating from your parents cannot be easily done, as in “just do it”. It will take managing your separation anxiety, and over time, healing from it. It will take making a step by step plan which will include utilizing relaxation techniques. Quality psychotherapy aimed at managing and healing from your separation anxiety will be very helpful.

Enough with this post, write me back whenever you want to.

anita

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