Dear Meera:

“my reaction is so involuntary that I don’t get time to think before I react”- it takes skill and practice to put time in between the anger and the behavior. There are skills called emotional regulation skills which are about lessening the intensity of emotions like anger, so that a person is not overwhelmed and  able to make sensible choices (ex: take a time out from the person you are angry at, taking a walk outside so to relax), instead of impulsive choices (ex: stay where you are and yell at the person you are angry at).

Guided meditations with the theme of mindfulness are helpful in teaching these emotional regulation skills, as well as mindfulness exercises (I didn’t investigate the website, but noticed that www. headspace. com provided guided meditations and mindfulness exercises). One guided meditation that comes to mind is one you can download: “The Mountain Meditation“.

One other thing is that you will need to improve your Assertiveness Skills and be effectively assertive with people. You need to avoid being passive (like your mother), and aggressive (like your father), and instead of these two unhealthy behaviors, be assertive.

One more thing: I don’t know if you can do any of this while living with your parents and continuing to witness the same old same old dynamic between the two of them. You will need to live away from them.

anita

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