Hi Inky, thanks for your reply.

I hear what you’re saying.

It’s like they are an older married couple: no sex, separate domiciles, shared keys, calling for favors. Are they even separated at all?

She is in her mid-thirties. Instead of being happily married with children she is bored to tears.

I agree, this is not the lifestyle she wants at all. She wants to get married and have kids, just not the way he wants it: in his rural village with is countryside relatives far from any city-life excitement and services. And yes it is like they’re an older married couple. However, she made a power move to break up and move to the city, find a job etc, alone. You would indeed think that a sign she’s also strong enough “to get it through his head that it’s really over”. I would expect that from her too.

Then why on earth would she continue to stay in an on again / off again relationship with him for YEARS, while the quality of the relationship is spiralling down to the point where they only argue and live like brother and sister and are together only half of the week sometimes? While her great wish is to build up something new and get married and have kids in the city?

And STILL then, when she manages to eventually end it with him and finally goes out on some dates with guys in the city, he’s able to love-bomb her back to shitty ‘older married couple’ style relationship? Why would she stay in something like that when he also makes her feel miserable / insecure / worthless? Is that because she really really loves this guy? Then why doesn’t she move to his village and have kids if he’s her big love and having a family is her biggest wish in life? Why cling to this idea of living in a tiny apartment when her big love is waiting for her in a big house to have her kids?

BTW I’m not sure he pays half of the rent, I think he helped her pay the deposit when she got the apartment or something.

As for dropping the rope: so far (the past 3 years) I have always shrugged and continued minding my own business when she appeared to be back with him for the 100th time. Her life, her choice, her decision, whatever. Couldn’t really be bothered. Just was there for her as a friend. But after 100 times thinking ‘ok whatever’, the 101th time I’m just starting to ask myself if maybe something’s not right. Things just don’t add up and all of a sudden I’m worried she might be in a bad place when you put all the 1 + 1 + 1 together.

Or I might be seeing ghosts and this is chaos is just what she enjoys, who knows.  Therefor it’s nice to hear some opinions from others, like yours, and it’s appreciated.

Looking forward to hearing additional  thoughts you might have.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by Jason.