Hi Anita, thank you again for taking the time and effort to reply in such an extensive way.

I sincerely do hope that this guy is just crazy for her and they will in fact end up happily ever after. I also very much consider the option that if I would -hypothetically- ask him if he knows how many times his girlfriend ‘broke up’ with him, he probably has no idea what I’m talking about.

And you are right that although I have no desire to engage in a serious relationship with her again, and definitely not interested in marrying her and have kids with her, (I am single btw), I am not completely insensible to her reminiscing our hot nights and her sending me pictures of (for instance) her wearing the lingerie I bought her back then, which she always kept all these years (carefully hidden from her boyfriend she says) I’m a man after all. But I won’t push myself back into her life.

The part about her lying about the lack of affection and him making her feel miserable and insecure..  I can NOT imagine she made all that up. She was very upset about it and we talked for 2 days when that happened. If that is all a lie she deserves an Oscar for outstanding acting.

But if this is the case.  Can you explain to me then why she is sabotaging her own life goals (married with kids, have a normal pleasant life) by constantly pushing him out and taking him back in, enjoying exercising power over him and against him, abusing him year after year? And complaining about it to her friends (including me).

Why not just move on, and live a happy life? Is she enjoying abusing him so much she would rather sit at home alone in a tiny apartment 5 days a week than to live her happy and fulfilling dream-life married with kids?

Is there a particular reason you think she likes to stay in this chaotic dynamic filled with drama year in year out?

Tanks in advance