Hello. I’m here with another update.

I happened to text him a few hours ago because he had accidentally mentioned the break up to my brother…  My brother is very protective and I didn’t want anyone to know about this breakup (as of right now) since it was fresh and personal — but that was handled. Here’s how the rest of the conversation went and this time, it was through text:

He kept saying sorry, for all the wrong things he’s done, all the mistakes he made and everything he has done to hurt me. He said he realized how draining and toxic he can be when it comes to his life and taking it out on me, affecting me, and bringing me down with him. He stated how he wanted to fix all his problems, and that even though he is distracted with busy work (his business), when he is alone he tends to go off as usual (self blaming). He said he wants to be better for me and it wouldn’t help us if he were fixing himself, while being with me. He stated how he is messed up in the head and he needs to sort that out and that day by day, he will work on it.

It hurt me when I read all these messages. I was mindful with what I was responding so I reassured him on how he isn’t alone and that if he ever wanted to talk to me, he could. He kept telling me “You don’t deserve any of this, you deserve better” and he says this is unfair to me and I shouldn’t have to fight for this.

After tonight’s conversation, it seems to me he really is trying to better himself. A little background information that might help you understand is that he’s been like this for years. Before I dated him, we were friends for about 2.5 months and we shared a lot of things and bonded with a lot (similar family dynamic, values, morals, goals etc). I also met his really good friend (who I also became close with — she’s great!) and she had mentioned to me a while ago that he’s been like this for years now. Where he gets into these moods and it can be really draining for other people. She had mentioned this to me when me and him first started dating. I do remember that when I was with him in our relationship, he did tend to overthink a lot and be anxious and I know it roots from his household and his mind constantly wanders into this dark place.

I ended the conversation with reassuring him that everything is okay and will be okay. I apologized to him as well and appreciated everything he was saying. I told him that it does suck that it has to be like this and for that I am truly sorry but hopefully things will work out. I told him to pray to lessen his worries and anxiety and hope for things to become better. He responded with saying he was sorry for everything and that he hopes he can make it up one day and I responded with a joke (to lighten a mood) and he hearted the text message and that was the end of the conversation.

I’m not sure exactly on how to approach this no contact rule. I do want to be there for him and check up on him every so often but at the same time I just want to let him be and be able to do these things on his own (since he did request some time and space). I have and always will support him, love him and motivate him and am always there if he needs help to better himself but he needs to be able to do that on his own, without me. After reading this, what are your thoughts?