Dear gamer:

“There are 2 people in this so it’s not only one person’s fault and I made it clear to him.. I believe there is always room for improvement and I take accountability for my actions”- you say this, in a general way, and you told him this, true. Problem is I didn’t spot this attitude in your detailed interactions with him. In the conversations you shared, the two of you pointed to him as the one at fault. And neither you nor him pointed at your faults.

A general statement as the one I quoted in the first lines of this post is meaningless when in practice, when it comes to specific matters, you don’t take accountability for your actions in the context of this relationship.

From what you shared, he doesn’t have any dishonest motivations regarding you. And yes, I remember the shower change of mind on his part and your confusion about it. Please pay attention to my following point: you are confused and so is he. You are expecting clarity from a confused person.

You can’t get clarity from a person who is confused himself.

Without dishonest motivations on his part, he is the honest young man I thought he was, don’t you think? This means that he honestly feels love for you, that he honestly suffers from guilt and self blame which causes him a lot of anxiety (from the time way before he met you), and he is honestly confused.

In this case, have mercy on him: give him the time that he needs. When you do communicate with him next, do not complain to him, do not demand what he can’t give you (clarity), do not blame him. Let him be and stop torturing him with your ongoing complaints and demands and expressed misery.

I figure it is unpleasant for you to read such things, as my last paragraph above, but following a thorough study of your thread, this is my best advice for you. Think of it this way: if you want him back and better than before, don’t contribute to his sickness. Contribute instead to his Health. What you want from him is what a healthy man can give you. A sick man can’t give you what you want, so.. you get my point, don’t you?

anita