Thank you Anita.

Your butterfly analogy is very beautiful, thank you for that.

It genuinely was a very good relationship. We had such strong communication and love.

But a global pandemic has thrown him way, way off course in his recovery, which makes me want to throw a tantrum and scream that it’s not fair. I know that’s childish, but today is day one so I’m allowing myself to have that today.

I’m physically disabled, with a condition that doesn’t react well to stress. Today I’ve been in bed. I’ll start gently with exercise again tomorrow and build it back up.

I want so badly to talk to him. We’d talk about everything and always had a goodnight call before bed.

I know I’ll be ok in the end, I’d very much like to skip on to that part. I’m sure I’ll learn and grow from this, I’d just rather not have to.

I also feel guilty for not being able to stand by him through this. I love him enough to. But it was starting to feel as though I was drowning.

I feel as though he’s the love of my life. But if that were true we’d be together now, wouldn’t we?