Dear Charlotte:

You may very well be right and his mother is trustworthy. Notice what you wrote earlier about trust “I have trust issues due to past experiences.. my bpd.. affects my ability to trust people”- well, it doesn’t affect your ability to trust his mother. So there are people that you trust and have no difficulty trusting.

Regarding your boyfriend: you found out that he was sexting with other women, “sending nudes and talking dirty”,saying about his relationship with you that “it’s nothing”. More recently he talked to a friend of his “about selling girls nudes from a fake account”, suggesting “buying and reselling webcam model photos”- no wonder you have a problem trusting him!

At one point he “had an episode of anxiety.. he took a lot of pills with alcohol”- this development does not change the fact that he has been repeatedly not worthy of your trust. You didn’t trust him not because you have a diagnosis of bpd, but because his behavior has been untrustworthy. His anxiety does not change his untrustworthiness. Taking pills with alcohol is yet another behavior on his part that demonstrates that he is  not worthy of trust: you can’t trust him to .. not poison himself with pills and alcohol.

I understand that you feel “deeply in love” but this deeply-in-love feeling doesn’t have to rule you. Loving a person who betrays your trust again and again will bring you more and more misery. Back to my first point on this post: you trust his mother. This  means you are able to trust people. Even if it will be difficult for you in the future to trust a man (one you didn’t meet yet), it will be possible for you to trust him if he is honest. But this man your thread is about, he is not honest overall. From time to time he will tell you the truth as all  dishonest people do (no one lies all of the time), but you’ll never know the next lie.

anita