Dear Javairia:

You are welcome. It is nice when we are validated: your friend having said “THE EXACT thing happened with her”, making you feel better about ending your contact with the mutual friend you both had, the one who excessively and irresponsibly vented to you.

Your reply to your best friend was: “I really appreciate that you find me reliable. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and being open to me about your stuff.”

You asked: “Is there something wrong with these?”- no, it’s a beautiful reply, as perfect as can be.

You are afraid that she will think that you presented yourself in this reply as stuck up and superior to her. You are therefore “a nervous wreck.. feeling excessively anxious.. My heart keeps dropping every two minutes, and my stomach churning too.. regretting over my words”-

– when your mother vented to you when you were a younger child about how terrible her life is, ex.: “my life doesn’t have a purpose and I want to die”, venting to you this way for long stretches of time, on and on, she expected you to respond to her (“She expected someone to respond to her .. 24/7 by her side”).

And you did respond to her the best you were able, saying anything that you could think of, so to make her feel better, so that she will not want to die anymore. Your intent was 100% sincere, your love for her complete.

But she must have misunderstood what you  said to her and somehow objected to it, maybe turning what you told her against you, suggesting you meant something you didn’t mean. And maybe that .. kind of shocked you, you only meant to help her and she took what you said to mean something else. Was that the case?

If it was the case, fast forward: your reply to your friend was perfect, I can’t think of anything more perfect to say to a person. (I am thinking that you have practice of saying the perfect things, for having said empathetic and loving things to your mother from an early age during her venting marathons).

Problem is that your mother didn’t react positively to your sincere efforts and a job well done, so fast forward, you “hear” your mother accusing you of things while imagining your friend is accusing you  of those things. You know you were sincere and meant the best with your friend, but you are “hearing” your mother’s misunderstandings and accusations that you meant something you  didn’t mean, or that you feel something you  don’t feel. And you get confused and troubled.

What do you think?

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by .