Dear Amie:

“it makes sense to me that he move to where his kids are; he’s missing valuable time with them. I certainly am not willing to take on the possibility of being the reason he didn’t”-good thinking on your part, and a good heart for caring about his children and about him, as their father.

“I’m afraid of being alone.. I am scared to lose him”- when we are afraid (or angry) we don’t tend to make good choices for ourselves, and we are not likely to do what is right for others. To not be alone, we’ll accept.. almost anyone into our lives, just so to not be alone. I remember having done that, but I could never endure for long a person I took in so to not be alone.

“I seek relationships, mostly overlapping them, to ensure I am not alone. I then yearn for independence… Do I risk giving up  someone I feel is a good person, a good partner, but maybe allow myself to become a more self- fulfilled person? I feel I have never been so ready as now to do the hard work to get to that point”-

– yes, do risk giving up on him, but prepare for the fact that the hard work in front of you is probably more difficult than you think (it has been for me!) But it’s worth it because living without crippling fear is a way better kind of life than life of going back and forth between alone-and-scared and together-but-not-really-together.

What do you think?

anita