Dear Evokun:

I read your recent post and re-read your original post. Here are my thoughts today:

This very new (April-May 2020) long distance relationship with a woman you never met (not even knowing her address!) is not worth so much struggle on your part. There is simply not enough in this relationship to justify you compromising your health, nor is there enough to justify troubling your father or mother with the matter.

You mentioned red flags in regard to this woman. Following my recent reading, I identified the following red flags:

1. “Sometimes, being a girl, she like to test me by pretending to be mad about small things and wanting to break up”- this is a dishonest behavior that one would expect perhaps from a teenage girl who is immature. But a woman in her thirties- this is a red flag. If she is dissatisfied with something, she should bring it up  to you in an honest manner,  instead of pretending to b e mad and threatening you  with a breakup.

2. “she told me we needed a break.. under her mum’s advice”- she is not taking responsibility for suggesting the break, she gives her mother that responsibility. Plus, there is an element of hypocrisy if  she expects you to stand up to your parents when she obeys her mother.

3. “Then her texts became vague ‘When I become nobody to you, then you have to get used to with my bitter side”- this is a chilling red flag: she seems to be threatening you  with her bitter side.

4. “She video- called me again at night, ranting about my letter (sounding angry and indifferent). We got into a debate” etc.- a month of a long distance relationship with a woman you never met, a woman whose address you don’t know does not justify all this anger and bitterness. You didn’t wrong her and yet she is unleashing her bitter side against you.

In summary: I can only imagine how worse your life would be to experience her bitterness in-person, living with her. At first, when I first replied to you, I felt empathy for her, for being a single mother in a country where women are discriminated for this reason. But now, following reading your second post and re-reading the first, I can see that she is trouble.

You wrote: “I have decided to let her go and contemplating to delete her number. All this drama is taking its toll on my mental health”- I agree, it is the wise choice. If I was you, I would do just as you suggested, do what it takes to heal (eat healthily, rest, exercise in moderation, etc.), attend to your sick father and help your parents, and at a later time return to the dating app and look for a better choice of a woman for the purpose of marriage.

anita