Dear anita,

When she attempted suicide, she really didn’t have a talk with us. It was very quick, something that came to her in the heat of the moment, but the way things were back then, it showed she’d been really meaning to do it.

It was 16th March, that is the day right after my birthday. So you can assume we had a little family meetup for that, and of course with that interaction another fight of mum and dad began. The next day, the fight got worse and she decided to leave the house with 2 of us children(not the eldest brother, I don’t remember where he was back then. Maybe at a boarding school, but I’m not sure), without a notice to dad. My brother who was with us somehow messaged dad and let him know before we were about to travel out of the city. The things went really bad after that. We came back at home where our mum lives(it was sure at this point dad lives in a different house with his new mistress). The fight got so bad (both verbally and physically) that dad hit mum real bad. She was seriously in pain. He hit her very bad. He dragged her by hair to the master bedroom,, this is really painful writing

Anyhow, that was during the moment she went outside crying silently. Nobody followed her, everyone was in the room, and they stayed there. There were two more people other than 4 of us family members, they were our family friends. They were probably arguing with dad at the moment. As she left the room, I intuitively went along. She went to the laundry area and my heart was just dropping. She picked up the bottle of Phenol liquid or something and drank it all up. I started screaming for help the moment she went near the bottle area. Nobody was coming. They all came when she was done gulping it down and was experiencing the symptoms. This is what I saw her do: cry, push me away and then drink it. She made a little eye contact with me and pushed me away as I was trying to come near her and take the bottle away.

I hear her say nothing. She didn’t say a word after she got hit by dad. All she did was cry and then leave the room to take her life away. Although she did hear me say, “No, mum.” “No, please no” “please don’t do this” “please someone come for help!”, she kept pushing me away. I didn’t know what to do, while I was trying to stop her I really had to call someone for help too, so you can imagine I was approaching her, telling her to stop and calling for help all at the same time.

And she was only making silent eye contacts with me at the moment. Those eye contacts were very cold and angry. Ever since a child I’ve imagined my mother’s eyes to be really sad ones. The ones that are full of worry and sadness, but that was the only time I saw them full of anger/coldness, and nothing else. Not even sadness