Dear blkhwkdwn1:

I want to point to four things and suggest what you can learn from these things:

1. You told her (or messaged her) recently: “Whatever I did to you I am sorry”- when you apologize, state specifically what it is that you are apologizing for. Don’t apologize for an unknown, for a whatever.

2. You messaged her: “I guess you no longer wanna talk anymore now that you paid me back”- She responded to it saying “Pat! Please prefer not to hear this”- don’t say it to her again because she told you that she prefers to not hear it. Don’t tell her that you guess she doesn’t want to talk to you, and don’t mention that you guess that she doesn’t want to talk to you because she paid you back.

3. You told her: “I just had a huge panic attack for over an hour finding out you’re on FB”- saying this makes a person hearing it feel bad, as if she is responsible for your panic attack, as if she is guilty and did something wrong going on FB. There is a term to what you did in this sentence, it is called guilt-tripping. Overall, that’s not something you should  do to someone you love. If you want to tell her that you were upset that she got on FB before answering your text, tell her just that: I texted you and then noticed you went  on FB, so I was upset you didn’t answer my text before going on FB. (No need to mention a panic attack).

4. “told her she should message them and do something with them” (June 2, 2020)

In your original post, the very first post of your thread (Sept 18, 2016), you already tried to push her to socialize with other people. You wrote in that first post: “She misses this 1 guy a lot, so I text him telling him this but to keep it hush hush so she can be happy keeping in contact with him and I feel like I should swap with this 1 guy and exit her life and move on”-

– you keep pushing her to socialize with other people and then you get angry that she socializes with other people. Stop doing that. It is hypocritical to complain that she prefers to socialize with others over you and then push her to socialize with other people!

anita

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