Dear anita,

Rationally everyone can tell it was not the children’s fault in the house, of whatever happened in the adults’ lives that day. But you are correct. It was devastating for us, that’s why I still feel guilty of every little action of mine, and every word I speak. As if someone is going to grab something harmful again, and I’m going to lose them forever. My mind is really not thinking rationally more than half the times, and especially when this guilt hits over. “Bad person complex” is especially rooted to this incident. I’ve been envying people who are not that emotionally sensitive as I grew up to be. It’s an illogical thing to say, but I feel inferior to them.

She has talked about it several times. More like re-called it. And that’s all, she just re-calls it. She doesn’t talk about if I felt scared or resentful or anything towards that action. She would leave it to be like, “Do you remember when your dad hit me, and I attempted suicide?”. And I find it weird why she would bring that topic up that way. Without even asking us how we felt, or even venting out herself, that she felt helpless that day. She simply re-calls it. So, no. No, she didn’t ever apologize. She’s never been sorry for doing that. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel about that. But, seriously I don’t feel like a victim to her actions, but deep down I sure am guilty.