Dear Juanita:

Mental and emotional clarity is such a good experience, a wonderful experience, compared to that mental fog experience of confusion and doubt and not knowing what to do. So I hope you get more and more clarity, and less, way less fog.

You wrote that you had some clarity last year, “but then became even  foggier as the contact with him increased”-  better then to minimize your contact with him so to protect your clarity.

“I concluded that I have some pretty powerful denial mechanisms.. as a child..I tried to be invisible.. hid in cupboards to try and escape.. Do you know of any techniques which might help?”- my therapist at the time (2011) introduced me to Mindfulness, which is about becoming visible- everything becoming visible: what’s inside of me and what’s outside of me. It is about becoming present in your own life experience. I think that the techniques and exercises suggested in the mindfulness movement (there is a lot of literature on the matter, including on the home page of this website on the topic) will help you dissipate that fog and increase your clarity. There are lots of guided meditations on the theme of Mindfulness, for example, Mark William’s series. I think that you can download those for free online.

anita