Dear Holly:

Reads to me that he is honest and trustworthy, and these are the most desirable traits in man, says I. Reads that he is rational and sensible, considerate, conscientious and responsible, more desirable traits. And accommodating, willing to get out of his comfort zone so to please you (suggesting to be more verbally affectionate with you and then making it happen, and having a week living together trial that you suggested).

Let’s look at what he felt and told you regarding the word love/ feeling of love: “he did not want to hear it.. he looked so uncomfortable.. he has never loved an ex girlfriend before or told them, so he is unsure what love really feels like… I also cannot say I am in love with you right now because I don’t know if I do. I’ve never felt it and there is a big chance I already do but I don’t want to tell you until I am 100% sure”

He didn’t tell you that he loved you, but he did tell you the following: I care very deeply for you, you make me very happy, I can see a future with you, I love spending this time with you, I love making you happy.

To care deeply for another, to be very happy in the company of another and to love making the other happy, these expressions are what the feeling of love is about. He even said the word love in the context of loving to spend time with you (“loves spending his time with me”).

If you want, we can look deeper at why he is so uncomfortable with saying I-love-you. He told you that he “never grew up with verbal affection”, and you happen to be “close with his mother”- did she share with you why she never said anything affectionate to her son, not when he was a child, and all the way into his fourth decade of life?

anita