Yes, it does feel like i dont exist emotionally to him and thats what makes it so hard to speak to him because there is this feeling of fluctuation between wanting and not wanting. Being inbetween as you said. I will probobly have to talk with him about it but i dont think he actually will understand what im talking about since i suspect he has been supressing those feelings since he was a child and never found a way to deal with that side of him. Also it is hard effort because i have this strong bitterness from being denied my emotions by him and my mum since i was a child, i would love for him to see how beautiful it can be but with his emotional distance together with the bitterness makes the effort feel like lifting a million kilos with only hopes as result. If i knew he would want to work, that would atleast give some motivation but giving up on someone is something i have extremely hard time to do. Especially since he is my dad and i will be around him his whole life. Maybe some form of robotic communication will be the only option sadly, lets see what he says when i talk to him.